THE INTERNSHIP DILEMMA AND FINDING THE ANSWER

Inside my closet, I could be anything..
a writer .. a poet .. a singer .. an artist .. a scientist .. a dreamer .. designer .. photographer ... I can go on and on .. literally anything!! this is my place .. my rules.
But after all, I'm only a person who spells out what's been inside me. In a way that would help me find salvation .. serenity .. and peace of mind.

lately - and I think in the upcoming few months too, but hopefully not - my mind was in complete perplexities and chaos. All that because of the internship and what I'm gonna be doing after I graduate from med school in sha'a Allah.

 

should I go with Surgery? but I can't bare standing on my feet for long hours. my legs are too precious to me to risk developing varicose veins in a young age. Although I believe I got the skills for it.


 







Medicine on the other hand, I find it a field full of challenges and interesting things. I'm almost certain that I'd find what I'm looking for to fill my ambitions, expectations and hopes in it, but it's also a very consuming specialty. Do I wanna spend my whole life doing the same thing everyday? full-minded and worried all the time? is it gonna be O.K. with me to lose my gorgeous hair and look like Panda in return?!! Am I ready to sacrifice my thriving social life that I've been working on away from medicine and finally I'm seeing the results I was hoping for? it's truly a paralyzing dilemma.

I also had put in mind the possibility of not getting into what I want for not being accepted - la sama7 Allah - or for any other reason - like lacking vitamin "W" or "و". I'm thinking like that so I can be prepared and not feeling completely devastated by that time. And to use this time in creating back up plans afterwards.
one moment it feels like every thing is clear .. and the other moment I feel utterly lost and choked.
But I'm telling you for sure: OB\Gyn and Pediatrics are absolutely off-limits. Because I simply don't like them.


so I sat down .. quite .. in solitude .. and gone thinking and meditating. I was thinking about what my friend Hanan said that day: "Allah akbar was6a!" .. and all of a sudden .. I started singing..

would you live your life..
always wondering..
every moment .. every second .. always struggling..
if I've ever done this .. or ever done that..
would I be happy .. would I be sad..
all what you need is .. faith and believing..
and you're gonna have everything you've been seeking..


tell me who knows you better than you do?..
tell me who can see the real you?..
look inside .. feel your heart .. ask your mind..
it's clear .. you will find..
you're the true star to guide you through..


life can be tough and freezing cold..
and can make it hard to dig your gold..
remember .. you're not alone..
your friends are always gonna be there for you..
your family will always help you shine and glow..
you just gotta believe .. have faith ..
and trust that God is always there for you ... whenever you need..


you matter when you believe you do..
everything you do makes the minds blow..
whether it's huge .. simple .. or tiny small..
deep down inside of you..
you're unique .. you're special because you know..


believe .. have faith..
work hard .. don't feel beneath..
draw your own path to your dreams..
never give up as long as your heart beats..
shadows must turn into rainbows and brighten your days..
so keep smiling .. God is always there to reward your deeds..


somehow, that calmed me down and tamed my anxiety. Helped me thinking clearly and narrowing my options into 2 things .. for now. So I'm gonna be focusing on these two and spending every effort I got to make it into one of them in sha'a Allah.